Now that Scott McClellan has resigned his post as white house marionette, we are pondering his bright future. We figure that if he could take on the insurmountable task of making shit seem like gold and fail, that he should be qualified to make shit seem like platinum.
1. Spokesman for Big Tobacco-Should be a walk in the park after what he's been through, after all, Cancer pales in comparison to impending religious wars.
2. Doctor - We could see him informing patients of their imminent death due to chronic lymphoma with a smile. He'll get them looking on the bright side.
3. EPA Spokesman - No one could make ozone loss, greenhouse gas emissions, and global warming sound so sexy...until another president comes into office and this department resumes PROTECTING the environment, then he will quit again.
4. Lawyer - This should probably be number 1, if he is able to argue for absolute madness, then he should continue defending the mad.
5. Ohio State University Athletics Director - No one could defend bribes and preferential treatment like he could, he fits in well with the "thinking they hit a home run when they were born on third base" crowd.
6. Junkie - In case he just wants to get a way from it all.
7. Campaign Manager for Kenneth Blackwell - He's worked for Bush, now how about the rising terror from Cincinnati threatening to take over the state. They probably already know each other through the Diebold voting machine scandal of 2004.
8. Wal Mart PR - Tell us why its good that these giant stores are destroying land all over America, and fueling the rise of China.
9. Campaign Manager for Hillary Clinton - Why not, is there really such a difference between this and his old job?
10. Wife of Jerry Fallwell - Maybe he wants to be taken care of for a change, like as a member of Jerry's gay harem. True he's a little old, but it might feel nice to be pampered.
11. WINNER - Pharmaceutical Industry Ad Reader - "May cause anal leakage, blood clotting, irritability, sexual side effects, green urine, leprosy, hair loss, hair gain, dialated pupils, death of the first born...."